A life so wanted
by Anushka
Summary: She hadn’t been a mistake or an accident. She was so wanted. Nick watches Sara and their daughter sleep. Nick’s POV. NS pairing.


**Disclaimer**: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

**Pairing**: N/S

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**A life so wanted**

Nick softly closed the door behind him knowing Sara probably would be asleep. Finding her asleep on the couch cradling their daughter against her heart was not an unfamiliar sight to him anymore. He would either find her asleep in the rocking chair with her head against the crib or like this on the couch, her head pushed backwards, her hair spread around her beautiful face. He loved watching her like this holding their six month daughter. It made him forget about the cruel world right on the other side of their front door.

The rumors around the lab hadn't subsided even six months after the birth of their precious daughter, but he never told her about them. He was sure she was well aware about the things they were saying about them and their little family. He just didn't want to repeat those hurtful words, because even though rumors most of the time held some truth to them these rumors didn't.

Contrary to popular belief Sara's pregnancy hadn't been an accident. They hadn't gotten drunk and ended up in bed with each other. Eva had been planned. Sara had come up with the name of their little girl. Eva, _life _, because they were surrounded with death almost constantly she thought they needed a little bit of life around them as well.

No, she hadn't been an accident, she was more of a blessing. He could understand the surprise of their co-workers though, because no one knew about the blossoming relationship between Sara and himself. A relationship which had resulted in the birth of their daughter almost 7 months ago. He understood their surprise, maybe when he tried hard enough he could understand why they had doubts about their relationship, but he didn't understand why they hadn't been more supportive. Funny enough it was Gil Grissom who was the most supportive of all of them. He hated to admit it, but he was the person next to him who really knew Sara. That's why he knew Sara wouldn't live a lie and she wouldn't lie about her feelings, so he knew there was nothing he could do than to accept the situation as it was. No matter how strained their relationship had become he was grateful for his support during the last year. The others hadn't been very supportive and he was disappointed in them. Sara concealed it well, but he knew she was disappointed too.

They had been secretly dating for six months before Sara moved in with him and six months after that they had had the memorable conversation which led to the creation of Eva. Both of them, Sara and himself, had been scarred by life and even though he always told himself he wanted to have children one day, he started to wonder if he really wanted to. He wasn't sure if the world they were living in was such a great place to raise a child in, but having Sara in his life made him re-evaluate his thoughts about children again. Surprisingly, she was the one who started the conversation about having children.

"_Nick, do you want to have children?"_

"_Do you?"_

_She fell quiet for a couple minutes._

"_With you I think I do", she softly said._

_I wondered what had brought this up._

"_You don't have to answer me now, if you want to think about it" she continued moving her face so she didn't have to look me in the eye._

"_No, with you I think I actually want to."_

"_Like now?" she asked._

"_Yeah, I think so. You?"_

"_Yeah."_

That conversation had been the start of many more conversations about this joyful topic. It had been the start of a new chapter in their relationship. To him it was amazing and exciting to know that if all went well Sara was already or would be carrying his child.

Approximately ten months later Eva was born. He didn't think he could love someone more than he loved her. Sara took to parenting instantly. She knew exactly what to do and when to do it. For him it had been harder. He was afraid she would break when he held her. He would stay up when she was sleeping listening if she was still breathing, but he had learnt. Slowly but surely he had learnt. Parenting would be a never ending learning process but it was worth it. He wouldn't trade this life with Sara and Eva for anything in the world.

Eva started to wake up. She wouldn't cry, she didn't cry that much. People told them they were blessed.

He watched her open her big blue eyes. Beautiful big blue eyes. That had been a surprise and one of the jokes around the lab. The joke he hated most since it implied something too painful to think about. He was glad Sara didn't know about that one. Beside the blue eyes Eva looked like Sara, although Sara disagreed. She said she was too young to tell.

Eva was fully awake now. Gazing up at her mother. Nick lifted her out of Sara's arms he knew it wouldn't work. Sara wouldn't stay asleep when Eva was awake. She would never admit it, but she was just as bad as he was. They exhausted themselves watching every single movement Eva made. They wouldn't be able to keep it up, but for now it was all they wanted to do. Watching her, the life they created, grow up, not missing any second of it.

**END**


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